Food Freedom and Fitness Goals > Can they Coexist?
Lately, I’ve been wrestling with this question: CAN I still have food freedom (to me food freedom means being able to eat WHATEVER without guilt or shame) and still be able to have some big fitness goals at the expense of certain foods (which may mean denying certain foods at certain times)? Honestly, this is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. The more I learn about running, fitness, health, nutrition, and life overall, the more I’ve realized that I have so much more to learn – which fuels me. I love learning, especially about the things I am most passionate about (Jesus, family, running/fitness and nutrition) As I’ve been reading and educating myself about running and nutrition, I’m discovering different passions and a lot of goals that I’ve kind of kept at bay for a while. And I think some of these goals that I’ve had I’ve held back on because of the fear of what others will think.
Having gone through an ED, I’m very conscious of how others’ perceive my food choices and sometimes I still feel like there are people looking over my shoulder, scrutinizing what I eat, how much, and when etc. And honestly, I think it is all in my head. Every now and then I will get someone over FB or Instagram asking “Is that all you eat?” (disclaimer – I don’t share everything I eat, that would be exhausting) and since I’ve been so public about my ED history, I feel an extra pressure to live up to this standard of food freedom. And let me be clear, I AM SO ABOUT FOOD FREEDOM. I love big bowls of ice cream on a summer night and piles of popcorn during a Psych marathon and homemade pizza after a long week. I am ALL about it. But, I also have this conflicting goal and burning desire of seeing just how far I could go, IF I gave my fitness and running my 100% with nutrition and with all areas (mindset, recovery, performance, sleep, etc.) As I study the best of the best (Des Linden, Sarah Hall, Katrín Davíðsdóttir, Shalane Flannagan, Molly Huddle, Jordan Hassay, etc.) I am learning (and kind of guessed this before learning this) they take their training, their nutrition, their sport super seriously. And the thought, the burning desire, the idea that keeps me awake at night is the question ” What if I took my training and the sport I love super seriously? What if I took my sleep, nutrition, my recovery, my workouts, my mindset and treated it like a professional athlete? What would happen?” I’m NOT saying that I would become a professional runner, but I wonder what improvements I would notice if I did try to get the maximum amount out of each area of my training. What would happen? How far could I go? What if I could do a 1:30 half marathon? Or even sub 1:30? What if I made it to Boston? What if I BQ’d be a huge chunk of time?
These questions then lead me to look at all aspects of my training and realize that there are areas that I can improve: I can get to bed earlier, I can drink less coffee and more water, I can work on improving my mental toughness and mindset, I can be more disciplined with my nutrition…
And that’s where this has really led me, that question of, can I still have food freedom, while still remaining driven, disciplined and focused? And I think the answer is yes. Because food freedom, for me, means, simply not being afraid of food. I never want to make a choice to eat something out of fear or out of impulse. I want to be able to make nutrition and fueling choices out of mindfulness, long term vision, and, yes, freedom. I think I am still figuring out what this looks like, as an athlete and as a wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend. I am not a professional athlete and I don’t want to bear cetain ‘weights’ that professional athletes do bear, BUT I do want to make some short-term sacrifices if that means I will see long term results.
For instance, if two less cups of coffee, 2 extra hours of sleep, and 1 less treat a week help me make it to Boston stronger, faster, fitter, and healthier (overall) than I want to do that. In this process, I still want to maintain food freedom and I never want to make the decision NOT to eat something out of fear (and by this time, I know myself well enough to know when I am tempted to make that decision) but I do want to see what just can happen if I really take a deep dive into my nutrition (this may mean I need to eat MORE to fuel my body through some hard workouts and it could mean I need to cut out some extra treats here and there.)
Why not just do what seems impossible and scary and hard? What not just try? This is the thought that keep rolling around my mind, and I’ve kept it at bay for long enough. So, here’s to making little steps, that will eventually lead up to something great. Here’s to trying and doing and dreaming and failing and achieving. Here’s to chasing after my dreams. Here’s to doing hard things.