Embracing the Gift of Motherhood

Wow. Being a mom is amazing. And breath taking. And plain old hard, in ways. A couple weeks ago, when Benaiah was sick, I seriously was throwing up desperate prayers of help. I don’t know if my patience is less than others, but woah, a sick/ grumpy kiddo is NO FUN and really pushed me to my limits. And as I walk into this new season of raising a toddler, soon to be child, soon to be teenager and adult (okay, crying emotional tears now,) I can’t but help expect there will be seasons of ‘hard,’ each and every season.

Yes, it may look different than Benaiah throwing little fits of frustration on the ground at every single thing (seemingly), but I’m sure the stress and overwhelmed feeling of inadequacy will still be there.

And as I was experiencing this deep sense of helplessness, that’s when I remembered one of my favorites truths from Scripture. Actually, two. One: Christ is always with us, helping us. And Two: Yes, we are inadequate. But, HE is not.

Through raising Benaiah this short 16 months, I’ve realized that the most frustrating, anxiety filled moments are when I am trusting in my own strength. As a first born, I am a natural born leader with strong opinions. I like to trust my gut, dive into things (way to early) and do things in my own strength and by myself. I don’t usually like people’s help and hardly ask for it.

Thank goodness God chose me to be a mom. Because man, motherhood has shown me my deep character flaws and most importantly, my deep need for Christ. It’s in the ‘I can’t do this another single minute moments,’ that Jesus has shown up in a very real, raw powerful way. Usually, it’s not by solving the immediate problem at hand, but gently reminding me that my strength does not come in my own power, but in His never tiring strength. And in that moment of raw emotions and stress, the flood of joy comes when I realize that this thing called motherhood and life aren’t meant for me to do alone. It’s a crazy thing to think that the God who upholds the universe and spoke creation into existence is the same God who helps me wake up just one more time at night or help calm down a screeching toddler, once more.

It’s an amazing joy filled thought to think that God has purposed me for this vision of raising babies for his glory and He isn’t giving me that job for me to do it alone.

So, in those hard moments, instead of resisting, instead of throwing in the towel, I have to remember to lean in. To embrace the gift of cleaning snotty noses. To embrace the emotional roller coaster. And savor each moment. “Good,’ or bad.

And even though I’ve painted quite the dramatic picture here, I do want to say, that motherhood is beautiful too. It is such a joy and delight. I seriously wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. And when I look into the eyes of my son and see what joy fills his eyes, at the sight of me, I wish I could freeze time and let that last forever. For all to soon, that little boy will grow up and leave home and start his own family. Someday his eyes will light up at the sight of his own child.

So, until then, I will rock him and hold him and read to him and calm his cries. For motherhood, although tiring and yes, stressful is a good gift. And we don’t have to do it alone.